Julia Wilson - Australian Stand-Up Comedian

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Julia Wilson - Australian Stand-Up Comedian

Julia Wilson - Australian Stand-Up Comedian

Time Out - Sydney Interview 10/04/08

Julia Wilson loves scars and isnít afraid to show them and is bringing her latest one-woman show to Sydneyís Cracker Comedy Festival.

What makes you funny?
I donít try to be funny, I just tell dirty little stories on stage that I think are funny. Iím really lucky to have an odd life where weird and crazy things happen all the time so re-telling the truth and making people laugh is the perfect job for me.

Tell us something funny
When I was a bouncer, I ejected a female patron who was really drunk, she waited till she got right down the street (outside the tougher-buffer) to scream at me that I was a "fat lesbian slut" at the top of her voice. I couldnít help but laugh and yell back, "Iím not a lesbian".

If I wasnít a comedian?
I used to be a bouncer and an accountant so I can safely rule out those two. Iíd say landscape gardener because indoors isnít for me but most imprisoned serial killers, when questioned what job they would take if they were ever released, answer "landscape gardener"Ö so Iíll just say philosopher and be done with it.

Tell us about your ex
Heís like a broken Rubikís cube. Iíll never work him out.

Does your mother find you funny?
She sure does. She has to or else Iíll talk about her on stage. Itís such a lovely blackmail toolÖ laugh at filth or youíre going into my act!

When was the last time you cried?
It was my birthday on the weekend and my mates and I all sat around drinking and taking the piss out of each other. Iím not back in Australia all that often so I donít get to hang out with them as often as Iíd like. I laughed so hard for hours that not only did drink come out my nose, but I cried too.

Whatís the worst joke youíve ever heard?

Knock knock.
Whoís there?
Matthew.
Matthew Who?
(In a lisp) My thew laceth ith undone Boom boom.

I only get out of bed forÖ
A cup of tea. Or if I need to put him in a cab so I can get my bed back.

Most embarrassing moment?
I went through an airport security check and the security guy scanning my bag asked me (in a really loud voice) if the cylindrical object he could see was a vibrator. My personal motto is "Go down swinging" so I looked him dead in the eye with a big smile, matched his volume and said "Yep, sure is. If you need it out of the bag for closer inspection, Iíll take it out. You probably shouldnít touch it". Iíve never seen a man go so red.

Comedy and what should never mix?
Political correctness

Person youíd "turn" for?
Suzie De Marchi from the Baby Animals. She has amazing stage presence and can sing like a mofo.

Best comedy moment?
At Edinburgh Festival in 2005 the Australian comics were invited to sing ĎLand Down Underí on stage with Colin Hay. I got to share a microphone and stage with one of my all time heroes.

Who is/was the funniest person?
I grew up watching Dave Allen, Graham Kennedy and MASH. These days Billy Connolly and Bill Hicks make me laugh till I hurt.

Benny Hill or Richard Pryor?
Richard Pryor, all the way. I came off stage in Edinburgh one year and Richardís daughter Rain Pryor pulled me aside and told me how much she liked my stuff. It was like a compliment from the heavens.

Most overrated comedians?
I never got into the Stooges (unless Iggy was involved) but Iím a little twisted so that doesnít necessarily mean theyíre overrated.

Most overrated joke line?
The difference between men and women. We get it. Men have penises, chicks donítÖ move on.

Describe your show
Itís called Scarred Not Scared. Itís about how I got all my cool scars. Iíve got one where a lion wouldnít let go of me in South Africa, one given to me by Australiaís wussiest armed hold up convict and a bunch of others. Every scar Iíve got is a trophy. I find myself getting into some seriously dangerous fun. And I wouldnít have it any other way.

Scarred Not Scared is at the Factory Fuse Box on Thu 17ĖSat 19 April at 7.30pm & Sun 20 April at 6.30pm, $17. She is also part of the Mother Of All Galas at the City Recital Hall on Sat 26 April at 8pm. $32Ė$37. (02 9550 3666 www.crackercomedy.com)

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onezerosixnine - TUNE FM ARMIDALE

This was an interview with Radio Station Tune FM in Armidale...

Which do you prefer; top bunk or bottom bunk?
Bottom... I like a quick escape.

When was the last time you bought new socks?
I'm an hibitual sock stealer, I haven't bought socks for years and years. I have 'acquired' some really cool pairs this year though. Thank you casual sex gods.

Who would you rather see as prime minister; a chain smoking goanna or a turtle with a bowtie?
I reckon the chain smoking goanna and I would have a ton to chat about. CSG 4 PM.

What would you rather bathe in - orange juice or Dr Pepper?
Orange juice would sting in all the wrong places... I'll lock in Dr Pepper thanks Eddie.

What's the name of that guy that does that thing, where does he live and how do you know him?
His name is Henry and while he lives in America, he tours as much as I do. I know him because he always makes me laugh and think which are two of my favourite things.

If you had to eat a dog or a cat what would it be and how would you cook it?
I'm a dog person, so I'd eat cat. I'd skin it first (to find out where that bloody saying came from) then I'd eat it with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Purple monkey dishwasher.

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